If I were President

I remember when I was a little boy bubble gum was the latest invention.  A piece of bubble gum would not even fit in some kids’ mouths.   Someone told me the other day that the Aztecs, or some Indians, invented it…and that the whores chewed it (and smacked it) as a signal that they were open for business!  If I were President I would make a law against chewing gum in public.

 I will never forget the wedding I was photographing downtown at the San Fernando Cathedral.  It was a large and very nice service.  The bride was standing with her father getting ready to start down the aisle.  I whispered to her, “Did you know you are still chewing gum?”  She said, “Oh, shit!”  She took the gum out of her mouth and handed it to ME.  I smiled (even though it was GROSS) and took it and laid it on a pew.  I continued to take pictures until all the bridesmaids were down the aisle.  I went and got a Kleenex, picked up the sticky piece of gum and threw it in a trash can…..which was very hard to find.  Churches never have trash cans!  That’s another story!

 A tip from an old grouchy photographer:  Don’t Chew Gum.  I know it makes your breath smell nice and tastes real good…but it doesn’t look classy.  And as your professional photographer, I’m going to make you look as GREAT as possible!  Your expression is going to be happy, your hair will be in place, the lighting will flatter you and you WON’T be chewing gum.  You’re welcome in advance J    



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